Most college coaches are decent people doing a hard job. But the incentives of recruiting reward stringing families along, and some programs lean into it. Here is the pattern language.
Phrases that should raise your guard
- "Coming to our camp is part of our recruiting process." Sometimes true. But when a program only ever engages with you through events you pay for, you are a customer, not a recruit.
- "We just need to see him one more time." Once is evaluation. Twice is caution. Three paid trips without an offer or an honest timeline is a program spending your money instead of its own attention.
- "We'll be in touch after the season / signing day / spring ball." Fine once. As a repeated answer to every direct question, it is a soft no they are not brave enough to say.
- "You're a priority for us" with nothing on the ladder to show for it. Priority recruits get contact, film review, transcript requests, and honesty. Words are free.
Patterns that precede a ghosting
- Communication that only flows when THEY need something (camp signups, visit numbers).
- They offer players at your position while telling you to wait. Watch their commitment announcements; the roster tells the truth before the coach does.
- The staffer recruiting you goes quiet and nobody else picks you up. Coach movement is constant; a real program interest survives one staffer leaving.
Protecting your money
- Set a visit budget per school, in advance. One unofficial visit on your dime is due diligence. A second should be earned by concrete progress (film review with the staff, a committable-offer conversation, a transcript request).
- Ask the committable question before booking travel. "If we make this trip and it goes well, what happens next?" A program that cannot answer that has not earned your airfare.
- Log everything on your target list here. Dates, promises, responses. Patterns are obvious in writing and invisible in memory.
Protecting your kid
Ghosting happens to good players from good programs and it feels personal. It is not. It is a numbers business run on unpaid teenagers' hope. Tell the next family what happened through our anonymous program ratings, keep the film current, and remember that the right level is the one that wants you back.